Getting your ARCs approved

For those in the know, Soren Bowie's Uncle Frank occasionally gives some frank advice to his readers.  Now, my Great Aunt Nell isn't the brilliant geyser of advice that Uncle Frank is, but she does have some home-spun, salt of the earth wisdom that I thought I'd share around.

There's been a lot of discussion on GoodReads lately about getting approved for ARCs.  Well the expert of occasionally being approved is here to weigh in on your questions, and ask you to wash your mouth out.  She is my Great Aunt Nell. 

She really is a treasure to all.

Fictional Question Asker #1

Why do I get approved for some ARCs but not for others?  Even when they're from the same publisher?

The problem is with you kids is that you think you're entitled to everything.  Take my grandniece for example.  She's the most indulgent, spoiled child I ever met.  You should hear her complain every time she gets denied!  Oh dear!  I didn't get approved for that title.  Well, Kathryn, why should you get approved for anything?  Especially looking the way you do.  Would it kill you to wear a little make up?  Maybe put on a dress?  What you have to do is cook a nice meal.  That will win over everyone.  Nobody knows how to cook anymore.  I said to my friend Elspeth the other day, I said, "Elspeth, nobody knows how to cook anymore." And she agreed.  What's the world coming to when you have the girls reading and the cooking not being done and the young boys trying on pantyhose but you can't get a girl to wear a dress?

Fictional Question Asker #2


I requested an ARC and the publisher approved some of my friends but not me, even though I have more followers and I'm way more popular and better looking.  Why is this?

Wait until your old!  Do you know how hard it is to get a decent date in a nursing home?  All the good ones die at fifty.  It's basically orgies every night and you know what I think?  I think it's the ugly ones that get the men.  Maybe because they put out and they're doing all those strange, modern things.  We didn't do these things in my day.  I said to my friend Elspeth, I said, "Elspeth, we didn't do these things in my day and now we have to learn it all and what I'm saying is that those balls don't get better with age is what I'm saying."  Elspeth agreed.  So your answer is that your friend is a whore.

Fictional Question Asker #3

I've been put on Auto-Accept for some publishers but not for others.  There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for this.  Can you explain it to me?

You know, publishers are like children.  No matter how much you do for them, they're soulless little assholes.  Take my great niece for example.  Look what a little asshole she is.  First chance she and her mother get, they'll probably stick me in a home and use my pearls as anal beads or whatever it is the kids do these days.  You know what I say?  A kid can never get too many smacks around the head.  It grounds them.  Maybe your publishers are like kids?  Maybe they just need a darn good spanking.  Though, come to think of it, I did threaten Kathryn with that once but she said she'd enjoy it too much.  See?  What did I say?  She's an asshole.